“Why me God?”
This is the question that has been rattling my brain for weeks now. I've been carrying around this weight of guilt because I feel as if I don’t deserve this opportunity. Why do I deserve to be Miss Central Pennsylvania and be able to compete for the job of my dreams? There are so many other women who are just as deserving, if not more deserving to be in the position that I'm in and I began to feel guilty for my blessings.
I spoke to one of my mentors about how I was feeling and he told me, “favor isn’t fair.” My mouth dropped, because as harsh as it seemed, it was the truth. Being a child of God comes with privilege that we can't justify. Instead of spending time trying to figure out why God chose me for this position, I just need to thank Him for the opportunity and glorify Him throughout each step of the process. It’s not our job to question God, but it is our job to say yes to the calling that He has placed on our life. We become so fixated on the plan that we have for our life that we forget to align our plan with God’s. It can be a challenge at times, but know that God has placed those dreams and desires in your heart for a reason. It is our duty to honor Him with those gifts and talents, but we have to ask Him for guidance.
While I have grasped the concept of trusting God with my future, I still struggle with comparing my journey to others. As I prayed to God and discussed it with my mentor, I was reminded of some wise words from my mother. When I would get nervous about competing and begin to compare myself to the other contestants, my mom would look me in the eye and tell me, “Alisa, what God has for you is for you, and no one can take that away from you.” Every time I have an interview or submit an application I say to that myself and I am filled with peace. I know that if this is for me then there is nothing that someone else can do to take it away. It also means that if the position is meant for another woman then there is nothing I can do to take that away from her. Fully understanding this concept can alleviate so much stress and anxiety in your life because you won’t feel as if you are taking away someone else’s blessings. God has a unique plan for each of our lives; stop comparing your path to someone else’s.
Remain humble, work hard, and trust the process.